phobia

the day before yesterday,
i struggLed upon buying and making one for myseLf.
i dread the effect of buying,
and moreover,
the buying option was automaticaLLy disabLed, due to the access.
so i decided to make it one for myseLf,
and i chose sumthing way more better than i used to get.
but the decision turned out wrong,
God, it breaks my heart.

yesterday,
i faced the same probLem.
and i decided to to take option B again,
because i tot the effect of option A wouLd be worse than the day before yesterday,
aLL upon circumstances: i was too vuLnerabLe to took any other option.
but the decision turned out wrong, again.
I'm getting used to it,
to be aLways-wrong.
i aLways was.

today,
i reaLize i have a phobia.
it's aLmost the time,
for me to take decision again.
i've been toLd to take another, option C, onLy it supposed to be done before today.
so i know,
whatever decision i wiLL take today,
it wiLL be the faLse one.